This is the hardest, the most difficult to express.  It is in parting away, in separation that one’s emotion is tested for resolve.  It is only through faith that one can transcend the effects of such situation.  It is only through memories that life is seen through immortality.

Yesterday (October 7, 2012) was the day when my sister was laid to her final rest.  Close friends, peers, neighbors, workmates, relatives and family were all gathered in the closing rites.  She was a friend to a lot of people in the workplace and in the neighborhood.  She was an icon to a number of loyal followers.  She was a beacon to her family.  She was that indispensable intellectual to her organization.  Personally, since we are only two in the family, she was my anchor and my ultimate guide.  She may have transcended to a higher dimension, leaving us on the plane of mundane struggles, but her figure is still there like the omnipresence of a star in the entire galaxy.  She continues to give off light, sharing her influence among those she has touched and embraced.  She would still be around even if we have seen how her mortal body was conjoined with my parent.  She has joined our dearly departed but in essence, like those of our parents, she still remains around us and exuding positive influence.

Days before she left, it was some kind of a struggle, a tussle with her personal angel.  She loved her work so much and she would even recite her school plans every time she felt relief and after a series of comfort drawn from medicines.  She was concerned about technician education and its evolution from the standpoint of her studied researches.  It was a chosen field where she would excel and would find time sharing it to the world.  She never wanted to leave the confines of the academe even if sickness would limit her movements.  She would retreat a little to allow her ailment to get the better of her but thereafter, she would get into an intellectual revelry formulating and discussing school programs which she intends to pursue once her body is through with medication.

She knew she can overcome what plagued her.  She heard of a case where a patient in the same hospital where she was undergoing treatment had to spend two years on wheelchair and thereupon recovered his health eventually to pursue once again the former patient’s usual lifestyle.  She knew that she can duplicate the same feat.  But onwards to recuperation, there were setbacks.  She could not at times bear inducing medicine into her system without throwing up.  Her appetite would falter.  Confined in her room, with hazy eyesight, she could not even read the way she normally does.  She would just content herself with trivial TV shows to bid time.  She would dispose her liquid through tubes attached on the side of her body and her right leg is a big bloated rendering her immobile.  Her mind was virtually trapped and imprisoned in her frail anatomy.  She would think of grand ideas except that once pain manifests, her entire being  would lose its focus.

Those were times when she would spend great effort to increase her threshold of pain.  There were depressing moments but she still could hold on.  She wanted to express to her loved ones that she still could make it and that her ailment was only temporary.  She could still bounce back.  Her physique had emasculated and she would feel more anxiety on top of the rigors of unease.  She would retreat and live in dreams to defeat the pain she was experiencing.  It was indeed a tiresome routine.

Then a choice was presented to her.  It was bound to break her heart.  She agonized at the prospects.  It was time for her to resign in a school she offered the best years of her life.  Her school needed her no doubt.  Her peers and subordinates had high hopes for her return.  She would still hone up on her organizational programs in the event she gets the clean bill of health.  Like our father, she would never even entertain the thought of leaving the teaching profession.  It was her universe, it was everything to her, the source of happiness, confidence, a rewarding period.  As a matter of fact, it was her life.  Leaving her school, much more so, in a formal way is already an invitation, a non verbal cue expressing her to terminate everything.  But she had no choice.  Her medical bills were mounting up, she must be given a regular dose of expensive remedial health procedures and it could only be conducted with funds coming from her separation benefits.  She could not appreciate that she could still rebound once she was through with her ailment.

She eventually accepted drafting and signing her resignation letter.  It was in her own projection to commence October 1, 2012.  On said day, she would be out of her beloved school and on the same day, she would also bid all of us goodbye.


About vjtesoro

A perpetual student of Corrections

Posted on October 8, 2012, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. romeo santos herrera

    I can feel the sadness, the loss, that even by way of this comment I would like you to know that I am with you all the way.


  2. Nearer, my God, to Thee, nearer to Thee!
    E’en though it be a cross that raiseth me;
    Still all my song shall be nearer, my God, to Thee,
    Chorus: Nearer, my God, to Thee, nearer to Thee!
    Though like the wanderer, the sun gone down,
    Darkness be over me, my rest a stone;
    Yet in my dreams I’d be nearer, my God, to Thee,
    There let the way appear steps unto heav’n;
    All that Thou sendest me in mercy giv’n;
    Angels to beckon me nearer, my God, to Thee,
    Then with my waking thoughts bright with Thy praise,
    Out of my stony griefs Bethel I’ll raise;
    So by my woes to be nearer, my God, to Thee,
    Or if on joyful wing, cleaving the sky,
    Sun, moon, and stars forgot, upwards I fly,
    Still all my song shall be, nearer, my God, to Thee


  3. imelda d. lapitan

    parang hindi na kayo natutulog IDOL, alam ko ang bigat ng mawalan ng minamahal sa buhay at malaking bagay na malaman at maramdamang sa panahon ng kalungkutan ay marami kang karamay 😦


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