govt worker

Three friends, an engineer, an accountant and a government worker were bragging about how smart their pet dogs were.

To prove, the Engineer called his dog and said, “T-square, ipakita mo ang galing mo nga.”

T-square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and with a pen drew a circle, square and triangle.  Everyone nodded that it was pretty smart.  But the Accountant said his dog could do better.  He called his dog and said, “Cashier, mag paandar ka nga.”

Cashier went into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies.  He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each and gave everyone a glass of milk.  All of them were convinced that it was good.

Then the two workers turned to the Government worker and asked, “Ikaw naman brod, ano kaya ng aso mo?

The Government Worker called his dog and yelled, “Coffee Break, ikaw naman ipakita mo sa kanila ang alam mo.”

Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate all the cookies, drank the milk, molested the two other dogs, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, prepared an anonymous letter and went home on sick leave.


A Political party in Manila decided to spend a week end in one of Palawan’s high end beach resort.  Twenty politicians, all related to each other, were in attendance for the merry making.  As evening fell, a group of terrorists were able to sneak into the resort and successfully marooned all the politicians and made them all as hostages.

The leader of the kidnapping group aired on radio his threat.  He warned, “Bigyan ninyo kami ng ramson sa halagang 10 million o kayo rin, pakakawalan namin itong mga pulitiko!


A farmer in Samar was the toast of his town.  His piggery business was a big success.  His mother pig could produce 24 offspring in one lying.  His fame grew and attracted the attention of the DENR regional director.

One day, the official visited the farmer in his piggery farm.  The farmer was excited on the presence of several formally suited gentlemen on board several red plated SUVs.  “Tuloy po kayo.  Ano po ang ipaglilinkod ko sa inyo?”

The Director snappily retorted, “Amang, balitang balita na ang alaga mong inahing baboy ay madaming manganak.  Balak ko sana itong bilhin ng sa ganun ay mapalawak ang lahi nito.”

The farmer protested, “Sir, yan lang po ang naghahanap buhay sa amin dito.”

The Director countered, “Bibigyan kita ng malaking halaga at kasama pa niyan ay isang sakahin na lupa.”

The farmer finally consented with a heavy heart, “Sige po Sir.”

Three months later, the Director and his lieutenants hurriedly visited the farmer with sadness painted on their faces.  “Amang, nanganak ang kinuha naming inahin sa iyo pero apat lang ang biik niya!”

The farmer nodded and explained, “Talagang ganun po Sir  kasi sa gobyerno na siya nagtatrabaho!”


In a small chapel a janitor was cleaning the pews between services when he was approached by the parish priest. The religious man asked the janitor, “Totoy, puede ba ikaw na muna pumasok sa kumpisalan at pakinggan mo si Aling Rosa.  Punta lang ako sa CR.  Alam mo naman yan ang tagal mangumpisal tapos din naman nagsisisi.  Pagkatapos niya bigyan mo na lang ng 10 Hail Mary, pabalik din ako kagad.”

Being the helpful sort, the janitor agreed. Just as expected Aling Rosa came into the booth and started her confession.  “Oh Padre, nagkasala po ako ng medyo mabigat.  Hindi ko po napigilan sarili ko at nayakap at nahalikan ko ang isang bata kagabi. Pagkatapos po…. Blah,blah,blah…..”

Stunned, the janitor had no idea how to handle the situation.  Surely 10 Hail Mary’s would not do. So, in a moment of desperation the janitor peered his head out of the confessional and asked an altar boy,  “Utol, ano binibigay ni Father sa pagyakap at paghalik sa bata?”

The altar boy said, “Ang alam ko binibigyan niya ng pera pang matrikula!”



About vjtesoro

A perpetual student of Corrections

Posted on January 30, 2013, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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