STORIES WE’D LIKE TO HEAR

stories

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert.  After they got their tent all set up, they fell sound asleep.

Some hours later, Tonto wakes The Lone Ranger and says, “Bossing, tingnan mo ang kalangitan, ano napapansin mo?”

The Lone Ranger replies, “Nakikita ko ay libo-libong bituin!”

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute, then continued, “Sa larangan ng astonomiya, ang ibig sabihin niyan brod ay napakaraming kalikasan ang meron sa buong sanlibutan.  Sa kasalukuyang oras naman  base sa hilera ng mga bituinn, ngayon ay kinse minuto na makalagpas ang alas-tres ng umaga.  Sa pananampalataya, iyan ay patunay na makapangyarihan ang Panginoon at tayo ay mumunting nilalang lang.  Sa takbo ng panahon naman,  maganda ang araw bukas.  Ano sa palagay mo Tonto?”

Tonto is silent for a moment, then says, “Bossing, sa palagay ko may nagnakaw ng tent natin!”

*****

Tonyo grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law school.  He decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in this small community.  He really wanted to impress everyone.  He opened his new law office but business was very slow at first.

One day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk.  He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he arrived.

As the man came to the door, Joe picked up the phone.  He motioned the man in, while talking on the phone.  He raised his voice, “Hindi!  Huwag kang papayag na umareglo sa isang milyon, kaya kong pasukahin sila para sa iyo ng sampung milyon pa!”

The lawyer continued, “ Tama.  Sige.  Ako bahala sa Korte Suprema, kilala ko ang mga mahistrado dahil ilan sa kanila ang naging propesor ko!”

“Sige!” the lawyer yelled, “sabihin mo sa piskal pakikinggan ko siya….”

This sort of thing went on for almost 5 minutes.  All the while the man sat patiently as Tonyo rattled instructions.  Finally, he put down the phone and turned to the man, after a sterling legal performance.

“Pasensiya na sa abala,” he apologized, “madaming kaso na kinukunsulta kasi.  Ano pala ang problema mo brod?”

The man replied, “Taga PLDT po ako at ako magkakabit ng linya ninyo.”

*****

A doctor, a lawyer, a priest and a little boy were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane.  Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble.

In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down.  Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump and bail out.

Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining.

The doctor grabbed one and said, “Ako ay manggagamot at madami pa akong tinutulungan kaya dapat akong makaligtas” and jumped out.

The lawyer then said, “Ako ay abogado at ang mga abogado ang pinaka mahusay mag-isip sa buong mundo kaya dapat akong mabuhay.”  He also grabbed a pack  and jumped.

The priest looked at the little boy and said, “Anak, mahaba na rin ang nilagi ko at kumpleto na ang buhay ko.  Ikaw ay bata pa at madami ka pang dapat gawin.  Kunin mo na ang huling parachute at mamuhay ka ng matiwasay.”

The little boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said, “Huwag po kayong mag-alala Padre. Tig-isa pa tayo nito.  Ang pinaka mahusay mag-isip sa buong mundo ay ginamit yung back pack ko.”

*****

A young woman was taking an afternoon nap.  After she woke up, she told her husband, “Honey, napanaginipan ko na binigyan mo ako ng gintong kwintas bilang regalo sa Valentine’s day.  Ano sa palagay mo ang ibig sabihin nun?”

“Malalaman mo sweetheart mamayang gabi,” he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small packgage and gave it to his wife.  Delighted, she opened it—only to find a book entitled “Ang Kahulugan ng Panaginip.”

*****

Two elderly sportsmen are merrily and excitedly playing golf one day at their local golf course.  One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course.  He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes and bows down in prayer.

His friend says,”Wow pare! Yan ang pinaka-maalalahanin at nakaka-antig na nakita ko sa buong buhay ko.  Talagang napaka bait at puno ka ng respetong tao!”

The man then replies, “Isipin mo naman na 35 na taon na kaming mag-asawa.”

*****

 

The NBI, the AFP and PNP are  trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending enemies.  And so the President decides to give them a test.  He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The NBI goes in.

They place animal informants throughout the forest.  They question all plant and mineral specialists as witnesses.  After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The AFP goes in.

After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies.  The rabbit according to them had it coming.

The PNP goes in.

They come out two hours later with a badly beaten dog.  The dog is yelling, “Tama na! Tama na!  Ako si rabbit! Ako si rabbit!”

 

 

 

 

 

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About vjtesoro

A perpetual student of Corrections

Posted on February 5, 2013, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. LOL… your jokes are witty and sensible!

    Like

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