LAUGHTER IN NBP

prison hospital

There was this case in the hospital’s Intensive Care ward, a newly installed unit in the prison facility, where patients always died in the same bed, every Sunday morning at 11 am, regardless of their medical condition.

This puzzled the prison doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with a cursed bed or something supernatural.

So the doctors decided to observe the blighted room.  They proceeded to take note the next Sunday morning, positioned themselves across the area,  a few minutes before 11am and nervously waited to see a terrible phenomenon.  Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off evil.

And then, there it was, as the clock struck 11, a prison orderly entered the ward, unplugged the life support system so that he could use the vacuum cleaner.

*****

Fr. Sim Roxas, formerly a prison chaplain, was asked by a bereaved family to officiate the necrological services of their loved one at the local cemetery.  While the vessel was being lowered into the ground, a municipal officer approached the priest and asked, “Meron po bang death certificate yan nililibing ninyo?”

Fr. Roxas was surprised because he was merely asked to bless the occasion but as he was looking around for the relatives, he inquired, “Bakit po sir, kelangan ba talaga iyon?”

To which the officer exclaimed, “Natural Father, eh paano kung buhay pa iyan!”

*****

Ted Miraflor was a partisan follower of a former local elective official.  He has proven himself worthy of loyalty.  He was designated as one of the close in staff at the office of the Mayor.

But there was a change in local executive post.  A new Mayor was at the helm.

One day, Ted received a notice of separation from the service.   Shocked, he went to see the Mayor to inquire.  “Sir Mayor, bakit po ninyo ako tinanggal sa trabaho?”

The Mayor was groping for a reason, glancing at his secretary to provide the answer, “Oo nga, hindi ko yata alam iyan…”

Ted asserted, “ Nagtataka nga ako Mayor kasi wala naman akong ginagawa…”

“Ayun!” the Mayor blurted, “alam ko na kung bakit ka natanggal, wala kang ginagawa!”

*****

Prison Assistant Director Reinerio Albano was dragging his boots and his eyebrows almost one.  He was on his way for a security assessment  when I met him.  “Sir,” I inquired, “bakit mukhang mainit ang ulo ninyo?”

Eh, paano ba naman ako hindi magagalit, ang salita ninyo dito puro pabaliktad,” the prison official claimed.  “Isipin mo, sasabihin lang may tama, gagawin pang may amat.  Ang preso, tawag osrep.  Ang pera, rapits.  Parang walang pinag-aralan!” he added.

I asked, “Eh saan po naman kayo papunta sana?”

He quipped, “Sa ob-lo, mag iinspeksyon.”

*****

There was a facility for mentally deranged in the minimum security camp when a visitor who was about to leave found himself stranded.  He went out to have his tires vulcanized but when he came back, all four bolts were nowhere.

A shabbily dressed inmate came to his rescue.  Anong nangyari sa iyo?” he asked.

The man dismissed the weird looking and unkept inmate, “Hindi kita kelangan, sige na lumakad ka na?”

The inmate insisted, “Eh, baka meron naman akong magagawang tulong sa iyo.”

The man straightened up and stood to face the inmate, “O sige nga.  Nawawala ang apat na bolt sa gulong ko kaya hindi ako maka-alis, baka gusto mo akong tulungan maghanap.”

“Ganito na lang brod,” the inmate said, “kumuha ka ng tig-isang bolt sa mga gulong mo at ilagay mo yun para makalakad ka na kagad.”

Surprised at the common sense, “Pare,ang galing mo.  Dapat lumaya ka na, wala ka namang diperensiya na ah!”

The inmate explained, “Sira pa rin ulo ko pero hindi naman ako tanga!”

*****

A young prisoner is in the hospital with two broken legs.  The nurse comes in and tells him that there’s good news and bad news.

The inmate asks for the bad news first.

The nurse says, “Wala ng ibang paraan kundi operahan ka at tanggalin ang dalawang paa mo.”

Then the patient asks for the good news.

The nurse says, “Yang katabi mo gustong bilhin ang bagong rubber shoes mo.”

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About vjtesoro

A perpetual student of Corrections

Posted on February 10, 2013, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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