AMUSING TALES FROM HEAVEN

heaven

Albert Einstein dies and goes to heaven.

At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him, “Kamukha mo si Einstein pero sa dami ng taong dumadaan dito kelangan ko patunay kung ikaw nga si Albert Einstein.”

Einstein ponders for a few seconds and then asks, “Puede po gumamit ng blackboard at chalk?”

Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear.  Einstein proceeds to describe, in arcane mathematematics and symbols the theory of relativity.

Saint Peter is suitably impressed, “Ikaw nga si Einstein!  Tuloy ka sa Kalangitan!

The next to arrive is Picasso.  Once again, Saint Peter asks for credentials.  Picasso asks, “Puede po gamitin ang blackboard at chalk?”  Saint Peter nods.

Picasso  erases Eintein’s equations and sketches a truly stunning mural with just a few strokes of chalk.

Saint Peter claps, “Ikaw nga talaga ang pinaka mahusay na pintor sa buong mundo!  Tuloy ka sa Kalangitan!”

Then Saint Peter looks up and sees Joseph Estrada.

Saint Peter scratches his head and says, “Si Einstein at Picasso ay nagpakita ng kakayanan para mapatunayan ang kanilang pagkatao.  Paano mo naman papatunayan ang sarili mo sa akin?”

The former President looks bewildered and says, “Sino si Einstein at Picasso?”

Saint Peter sighs and says, “Tuloy ka na nga sa loob, Erap.”

*****

 

Two farmers died and went to Heaven.

St. Peter greeted them and said, “Sorry mga Ginoo, ang mga mala-palasyong bahay ninyo dito sa Langit ay ginagawa pa.  Kaya babalik muna kayo sa inyong probinsiya sa gusto ninyong kaanyuhan.”

“Ang galing naman!” said the first guy.  “Gusto ko maging agila para makita ko ang kabuuan ng Mount Apo!”

“Okay,” replied St. Peter and POOF! The guy has gone back to earth.

“Eh ikaw naman, ano ang gusto mo?” St. Peter asked the other guy.

“Gusto ko maging matikas na Tamaraw” was the reply.

“Madali yan,” replied St. Peter, and the other guy went back to earth also.

A FTER A FEW MONTHS, their mansions in Heaven were finished, and St. Peter sent an angel to fetch them back.

“Madali ninyo silang makikita,” he says and gives instructions, “Yung isa ay palipad-lipad sa taas ng Mount Apo at yung isa naman ay naging pulutan sa isang carinderia sa Mindoro!”

*****

Recently a teacher, a garbage collector and a lawyer found themselves together at the Pearly Gates.  St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer a question.  Depending one how they conducted themselves, the question whether easy or hard are determined accordingly.

St. Peter addressed the teacher, “Ano ang pangalan ng barko na bumangga sa isang bulto ng yelo? Naipelikula pa nga ito.”

The teacher answered quickly, “Titanic po!”  St. Peter let him through the gate.

St. Peter turned to the garbage man and figuring Heaven didn’t really need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder, “Ilan ang tao sa loob ng barkong  Titanic?”  Fortunately, for him, the trash man had just seen the movie.

He answered, “1,228  po silang lahat.”   St Peter acknowledged and ordered, “Tama, sige puede ka ng pumasok.”

St. Peter turned to the lawyer and asked, “Ano-ano ang mga pangalan nila?”

*****

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About vjtesoro

A perpetual student of Corrections

Posted on February 14, 2013, in Uncategorized and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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