There were 3 men who died and before God would let them into heaven, he gave them a chance to come back as anything they wanted.
The first guy said, “Gusto ko po sana bumalik ng ganun pa rin ang katauhan ko pero 100 beses na masmagaling.” So God made him 100 times smarter.
The second guy said, “Gusto ko po mas mahusay pa ako sa nauna sa akin, gawin po ninyo ako na 1,000 beses na mas magaling.” So God made him 1,000 smarter.
The last guy decided he would be the best. So he said, “Panginoon ko, gawin mo ako mas mahusay sa naunang dalawang kasama ko, gawin mo akong sampung libong beses na mas mahusay.”
So God made him a woman!
An artist and a lawyer were in a car accident and showed up at the Pearly Gates together. St. Peter greeted them and took them to the homes where they will spend all of eternity. They got into St. Peter’s holy vehicle and headed down a gold road, turned to a platinim street which turned onto an even grander road paved with diamoneds to a huge mansion where St. Peter turned to the lawyer and said, “Heto ang bahay mo sa buong panahon. Maging masaya ka. At kung meron kang kailangan, sabihin mo lang.”
Then St. Peter took the artist to his home, back down the diamond studded boulevard, down the street of gold through an avenue of silver, along a stone alley to an unpaved path to a small cottage. St. Peter said, “Dito ka naman,” then left.
“Teka po muna!,” wailed the artist. “Bakit po ang abogado sa mansion nakatira samantalang ako sa isang kubo lang?”
St. Peter said, “Alam mo, madami nang artists dito, pero ngayon lang nagkaroon ng abogado.”
A saintly nun died and went to Heaven. God greeted her at the Pearly Gates.
“Gusto mo na bang kumain Mother Teresa?” said God.
“Opo, Panginoon,” Mother Teresa replied. So God opened a can of tuna and reaches for a piece of salted bread and they shared it.
While eating a humble meal, the saintly lady looked down into Hell and saw the inhabitants devouring huge steaks, lobsters, chunks of cheeze, pastries and wines. Curious, but deeply trusting, she remained quiet.
The next day God again invited her to join Him for a meal. Again, it was tuna and bread. Once again, the pious woman could see the denizens of Hell enjoying crispy pata, kare-kare, lechon and boxes of chocolates.
Still she said nothing. The following day, mealtime arrived and another can of tuna was opened. She could no longer contain herself any more.
Meekly, she said, “Panginoon ko po, ako ay nagpapasalamat sa kalagayan ko dito sa Paraiso katumbas ng masunuring buhay na ginampanan ko. Pero dito sa Langit ang nakakain ko lang ay delata at pandesal samantalang sa ibang lugar parang pyesta.”
The good Lord explained, “Alam mo Mother Teresa, dalawa lang naman tayong kumakain dito, maghahanap ka pa ng tagaluto!”
Three friends die in a car accident, they go to Heaven for an orientation. They are all asked, “Habang kayo ay pinag-lalamayan ng inyong pamilya at mga kaibigan, ano ang gusto ninyong marinig na sinasabi sa inyo?”
The first guy says, “Ang gusto kong marinig sa kanila ay ako ang pinaka-mahusay na manggagamot sa aming lugar at ako ay isang mabuting ama at haligi ng pamilya.”
The second guy says, “Ako naman ay gusto kong marinig na ako ay isang mabuting asawa at mahusay na guro na nagturo ng magagandang leksyon sa mga kabataan upang maayos ang kanilang kinabukasan.”
The last guy replies, “Ako naman ang gusto kong marinig sa mga naglalamay ay, TINGNAN NINYO GUMAGALAW PA!!!”