ELECTION JOKES FROM ETERNITY

hell

One day,  St. Peter felt that he must visit the earth.  He found himself milling around Metro Manila in the Philippines.  It was a period full of merry making, a lot of buntings hang over electric posts along with banners of politicians running for elective posts.

St. Peter asked a pedestrian, “Brod, mawalang galang na lang, ano ibig sabihin ng UNA at LP?”

The pedestrian, a middle aged man, replied, “Pareho din po ng KBL, UNIDO, Lakas, NP at PDP.”

St. Peter was confused.  He  went around some more  until he found a student to inquire what UNA and LP stand for.  The youth said, “Pareho din po yan ng OXO, BNG, BRM at Sigue-Sigue Sputnik.”

St. Peter went back to heaven politically educated.

****

Newly promoted Cardinal Tagle was replesdent in his episcopal vestment with flowing red cape when he joined a number of politicians in one of Manila’s five star hotels.  They were all having an informal exchanges of pleasantries, over a delightful melodious sound and some humble snack when Mayoralty candidate Joseph Estrada came in.

The popular candidate was a bit tipsy when he saw the smiling vicar in a colorful evangelical uniform.  He managed to get near the man of the cloth, slowly lifted the majestic hand of the religious leader and whispered sweetly, “Puede ba kitang isayaw?”

*****

Bored in heaven, President Cory Aquino decided to visit the Philippines.  She was a picture of contentment.  She found the country peaceful and stable under the leadership of her son.

She opted to appear in her son’s dream one day and greeted, “Anak, ingat ka sa mga nakapaligid sa iyo.”

Pnoy smiled and uttered a response, while deep in slumber, excited to hear and react to her mother, “Opo Mommy, hindi na muna kami lalabas nila Boy Abunda at Vice Ganda~”

******

Satan learned that St. Peter visited the Philippines and so he took a leave and informed his constituents in Hell that he intends take a look at the said country.  When he arrived, he was very excited to be introduced to a lot of politicians, to be invited also in their meetings and conferences that he almost felt at home.

Several days and weeks passed by, the devils in Hell were all at a loss on why their boss had not returned yet.  Hell was beginning to be less turbulent without the leader and so a group of devils were dispatched to look for Satan.  They searched for him far and wide, from North to South, until they found a tip from a traditional politician who was his contant companion.

“Ay, oo lagi siyang nakatambay dito sa HQ,” said the tradpol, “kaya lang nasa Malaysia na siya.”

The reps from Hell were surprised and inquired,”Bakit sir kaya nandun?”

The old fellow quipped, “Na recruit kasi siya ni Amalilio!”

*****

Satan knew that whenever election fever in the Philippines starts, it is almost like his favorite town in Hell.  And so he would always see to it to visit the archipelago during said occasion as some kind of sentimental journey.  As he attends every miting de abanse, and hears every speaker, he is reminded of himself in his youthful days.

He was so engrossed in listening to the politicians until he snapped and decided to get back to Hell.  His lieutenants were all surprised when they saw Satan pale and haggard.

“Sir, ano po ang nangyari at biglaan kayong bumalik?” said the gatekeepers of Hell.

“Hayyy, salamat, isara ninyo pinto sa opisina ko kagad,”  Satan yelled, “huwag ninyong papasukin mga politikong taga Pilipinas!  Baka bigla akong palitan!”

*****

While Satan was inspecting Hell, he was aghast to see a lot of posters and banners from politicians  in the  Philippines posted everywhere.  Those souls from other countries were complaining of the filth debasing the original filth.  Even the flames could not reach every corner because the large tarpaulin posters obstructs the garbage like view.  Satan organized an investigation body and a report was immediately handed over.  It was a five-inch thick document.

“Ano ang dulo ng report na ito!” Satan boomed.

The investigators exclaimed “Eh, Sir akala kasi ng mga kandidato, nasa Pilipinas pa rin sila!”

*****

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About vjtesoro

A perpetual student of Corrections

Posted on February 16, 2013, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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