BUCOR OFFICES BLOOPERS

prison bloopers

Dra. Avelina G. Alcantara was one of the finest medical specialists in Muntinlupa City in her days and this is because to her credit, she was able to revive successfully countless emergency cases brought before her.  She was the best during the time when prison was undergoing a turbulent period, the so called riot years.  She was in charge of the emergency facility and almost a permanent fixture in the operating room.  She eventually became the Chief of Prison Hospital for a number of years. Her medical skills remained unchallenged and her fame invited fans among the hospital personnel.  In the estimation of her agency, she was a genius.

One day, while checking on signs of life, and finding none, on an inmate who was stabbed repeatedly, she confirmed that the prisoner indeed passed away.  Thereupon, she left and allowed a prison attendant to take over to wrap the remains of the patient.

While tucking the blanket, the prison orderly was surprised when the patient moved slowly and its feet would jerk repeatedly, and with a faint voice would utter, “Brod, buhay pa ako.”

At that point, the orderly squeezed the neck of the patient and exclaimed, “Ha?!!! Marunong ka pa kay Doctora ha!”

*****

Former Prison Director Gaudencio S. Pangilinan was inspecting the prison morgue and was aghast to discover a number of dead prisoners stacked on top of one another.  The Director was fuming mad when he saw the condition.  He immediately called the prison superintendent, determined to pull the whip and in front of all prison officers in the area, yelled, “Officer, kung ito ay hindi kapabayaan, ano ang tawag mo dito!” while pointing at the dried cadavers.

To which the officer meekly said, “Tapa sir.”

*****

Msgr. Ernesto A. Espridion was a prison chaplain for almost two decades and he was regarded as a gifted person with capacity to scare evil manifestations.  He became a by word in the environs of Muntinlupa for casting demonic forces.  His presence alone could exorcise signs of wickedness even if there is no episcopal authority.

One day, a pretty girl was brought to him for exorcism.    She could barely be contained.  Accordingly, the young woman suddenly speaks and shouts with unintelligible and garish language, eyes hostile and reddish, with incomparable strength.  Around seven burly young men brought the youthful lass to the door step of the convent.

Msgr. Ernie allowed the possessed person inside his dining room.  Those who brought the lass immediately fled, scared out of their wits.  The religious man, calmly said, “Sino ka?”

The young lady, turned normal, smiling, and said, “Maita po.”  The man of the Church, waited, assessed and expected some demonic struggles, some evil forces, something unnatural.  He was holding on his evangelical vest, a prayer book and blessed water contained in a small packet.

Then the girl sprung out, jumped onto the dining table, and began to sway.  The exorcist, brought down his spiritual gadgets and took out a remote for his stereo and turned the music on, and dictated, “Bumaba ka sa lamesa!”

The lass, stopped, focused her fearsome sight on the man and yelled, “Bakit?”

“Bumaba ka diyan!” repeated the priest, and continued, “…at dito tayo sumayaw!”

(Thereupon, the spiritual leader taught the girl how to dance the cha-cha.)

*****

After filing his early retirement, Msgr Ernesto Espiridion chose a life of a recluse.  He has just undergone radiation therapy for brain tumor which damaged his ear drum.  As a consequence, his balance was affected including his hearing.  He was a vegetable literally.  He could not stand and his world was silent.  According to his physician, the priest could still regain normalcy but installing an electronic hearing aide to rectify his balance and hearing would cost a fortune.  The religious leader was consigned to live with the problem until the heavens would decree his arrival.

One day, his friend, a prison official, came and saw the appalling condition of his sacred friend.  Instantly, the friend called the hospital and brought his deaf buddy for fitting of the high end hearing aide.  After two hours, the Monsignor could already walk and respond to questions.

“Alam ko malaki ang inabot ng aking karamdaman brod, pipilitin kong makabayad, magkano ba ang nagastos mo?” the priest whispered to his friend.

“Huwag ninyong isipin yan,” assured his friend, “galing naman iyan sa masamang paraan!”

*****

When Superintendent Vicente Afurong was still the head of Davao Penal Colony, he wrote central office that he wanted some items in the plantilla be abolished.  Central office promptly called him so that he could argue his case in the administrative division.

“Sana po i-abolish ninyo ang item na logging foreman sa aming plantilla, “ he smugly said.

“ Hindi ganyan kadali iyan.  Bigyan mo kami ng katwirang matibay muna.  Bakit dapat tanggalin?” the administrative officer ordered.

The Dapecol chief stressed “kasi yung logging foreman, logging natutulog!”

*****

Former prison accountant JB Llano recalled during the pioneering days at Leyte Regional Prison that the penal farm was virtually inside a highly vegetative forest. 

“Gubat na gubat ang LRP nuong araw na dumating kami nila Superintendent Maat.  Malungkot at sadyang napakalayo sa sibilisasyon.  At hindi kayo maniwala, ang makikita sa lugar na iyon ay mga galang unggoy lang!” JB reminisced.

One day, according to JB, an unforgettable incident would take place.  The Superintendent was missing.  A searching party was organized and the guards sought the assistance of municipal officers to trace the whereabouts of the penal officer.  A day later, a kilometer away and under the tree, the official was seen limping with several cuts and bruises on his face.  An investigation was immediately conducted, and JB was designated as chair.

“Sa lungkot ni Boss, wala siyang magawa kundi ligawan pala ang isang may itsurang unggoy dun sa di kalayuang lugar,” explained JB while discussing with his team his findings.

A team member inquired “Eh bakit siya sugatan na parang binugbog?”

“Eh, paano naman,” said JB, “yung unggoy na nililigawan niya girl friend pala ni Mayor!”

*****

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About vjtesoro

A perpetual student of Corrections

Posted on February 19, 2013, in Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

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