I PRAY TO BE FORGOTTEN
Every page in the obituary, every corner in a plush cemetery, even names of buildings and streets, not to mention laws and anything devoted elaborately to remind of a person, his worth, his significance, are there for everyone to notice. It seems that to be remembered is a dream aspired for. To be memorialized is a fitting gesture of recognition for a well spent life, if not a well spent fortune for such consideration.
I would rather, even in my prayers, seek for fate to have my humble name, however controversial it has become, be stricken off and completely disregarded. Let it be said that I once was a part of humanity and it is just that. Thereafter it’s finished. No more fanfare. Besides, I merely lived in the gutter of history, coasted along with some of the best minds, even played along with the meanest and the worst. I have had every time in the world to claim a period as my own. After that, it is the subsequent generation, the next, the succeeding age group will have to create for their own, their respective type of adventure, their respective brand of story, whether it be tragic or mythical, action packed or the boring, subdued kind. They are on the stage, mine is about to fade.
I have close family and friends who passed away and their memories could only be kept in the privacy of my diary. I tried introducing them as characters for my literary projects hoping that I could immortalize them in a way. I would also try to compose a melody; the lyrics would be inspired by their persona hoping that would be played sometime. I tried radio broadcasting if only to announce significant dates for them, their birthdays, whatever. In some artistic moments as in sculpture, I would attempt to carve a portrait which I would dub with some significant expression. In all the books I have written and published, I included all of them in my acknowledgement thinking that for as long as my books are read and kept, their names would likewise be preserved.
I tried to live full. I tried to learn everything from cooking to composing; from playing the drums and organ to strumming guitars, rhythm and bass; from martial arts to fine arts; from literary writing to creative verses; from photography to formulating philosophy; from loving to adoring; from violence to peace keeping. I have read more than 10,000 books already! I have created enemies from every persuasion and produced friends from every direction. I have been to different countries although I am more at ease travelling, and have been through every street corner of the planet through Googlearth. Every ordinary, common minute by any mortal, I have tried and unwittingly succeeded in multiplying it three fold. I have lived therefore a good three lifetimes and if it could be translated into mathematical terms, I would have lived up to the age of 200 already. Not bad.
Had I fulfilled this 100 generations ago, I would have been suspected as an alien if not as one of the principal gods already!
I have not wasted any moment. I have not even violated any time at all. Every tick of the clock is an opportunity at erudition and every learning I have enjoyed and fulfilled to the limit. I have been to the best and I have also seen the worst.
In my lifetime, I never even allowed consciously for any limitation to affect my mind. My mental faculties cannot be barred by any norm or law, not even culture or any discipline at all. If I want something, I simply get it. With advancement in technology, what I would wish I would simply browse and get pleasure from it.
While mankind would brace and force nature to endure a longer life, I already have done it. While man wanted to leave behind a name as a consequence of a short life span, I pray to be forgotten.