CONFESSION OF A FATHER
If wolves, or any social animal for that matter, can speak, they would just refer any of our inquiries to their ALPHA MALE. In groups, it is the individual with the highest rank. Male or female individuals or both can be alphas depending on their species. In patriarchal societies, it is the eldest male in the household. In matriarchal societies, it is the elder female in the family. In the Philippine setting, it is a bit ambiguous. While the husband is the head of the family, it is the wife that handles the purse. There is a saying in the vernacular: “Ang lalaki ang nagdadala ng pamilya pero ang babae ang nakapantalon.”
When I was young, I intimated to my father that I do not wish to get married. I could not imagine myself wrapped in love life. That early, I was a free spirit already. I never wanted to be structured. I preferred priesthood. His advice was perfunctory: “All men desire to be a King. But unless he begets a child, unless he has his own family, he will never be a King, he will never have a Kingdom.” The idea got stuck in my subconscious. Father was right, I wanted to be a King, not for anything else, not somewhere or elsewhere, but just the feeling of being one is sufficient. It would satisfy two supreme instinctive calls: Esteem and Immortality. With that in mind, I went about my daily routine, in school, on the road, office, war zone and in the comfort of my dreams.
To have children, they who would bear my name, they who would continue with my blood line, they who would perpetuate my genes, they, who, like me, inherited a specific instinctive disposition from ancestors, onwards to the future generation. That was what was in my subconscious. That was what was brewing in my person. Society and norms may have every obstacle thrown along the path, but it is the subconscious that manifest resourcefulness to achieve what ought to be undertaken.
And there are a lot of men with similar persuasion. I do not even presume that I am no different from the rest of the male specie. We can only be distinguished according to how we conform. And of course, this is based on our understanding of what courage is, what daring is. And so, for those who can do it, do; for those who cannot; teach, as the adage goes. There are Alphas in the midst and there are also Betas, for those with limitations although equally capable.
Great men of history, they who shaped history and were bearers of civilization merely replicated their superior cavemen counterparts. They fathered children on whose bloodline the present civilization is now succeeding in evolving what is expected as the perfect being. From their genes emanate the genius of the race. Without this courageous, well, almost instinctive persuasion, mankind would still be as dumb like his cousins in the universe of primates.
Not that I consider myself in league with great men or those on the pantheon of heroes. But like them, I also wanted to contribute a share if not a stake in the future of humanity through my children, and my children’s children. They may not relish the thought of bearing the torch I would leave behind but their name and persona will definitely see the future for me. From my angle, I could already grasp perpetuity.
I may cherish the degrees I have completed, I may also feel accomplished with what I have undertaken in my career, I am very satisfied as a consoling friend for my contemporaries and a knight in shining armour as succour for a great many others. But what animates my whole being is the fact that I am very comfortable at the thought that I am a father to a bunch of wonderful kids through and through.