GOING THROUGH LIFE
When I was a youngster, I wanted to pull time ahead of me so that I could act and maybe look old than my age. I grew my beard, acted maturely and strove to tackle matters only older people would enjoy. I read books far ahead of my time, stretching my mind and pushing it further so that I could possibly digest profundities and yes, tried looking at life in the prism of the elderly. That made me quite busy for a while. In the process, that made me also a regular fixture among the elderly group in my community especially in the organization where I was employed.
I never had moments which would make me a normal functioning youth. I was in my study reading the classics. My peers could not locate me and push me into their circle to enjoy the bounties and adventures of youthfulness. Mine was more into philosophy, science and everything that excites people in their senior years. My youth was devoted to senior year disposition. And I was very happy, contented and it made sense.
I have not tasted the morsel of youthful exuberance when I got employed. Work was the most absorbing activity I ever had. I tried to learn every difficult phase, every problematic angle, and every tough task and enslave myself into hard work. I was the errand of everyone in the organization I was their muchacho, runner, goffer, keeper, watcher, one who is an initiate, the one who sacrifices a lot if only to make life for them bearable. I have to make my shoulder broad for all of my co-workers.
In a short period of time, I was promoted several folds and at a glimpse, I was rubbing elbows with senior officers and haggling, discussing, debating, arguing and issuing significant decisions. I belonged to their circle already. It was as if I was of their age, as if we were contemporaries, as if we were peers in terms of exposures.
When I reached that age when youth has been passed on, when maturity has unfolded, when my hair turned gray, I thought that possibly this time I could enjoy youthfulness. And why not? I have the necessary resources to feed my thoughts and inclination. All my loved ones are in their proper places, stronger than I was, more resourceful than I was their age, tougher than me because of technology. I only have an insignificant advantage—-I have savings, accumulated allowances, lump sum, pension and the like. I could live a pseudo-princely life. And since I have been through life’s struggles, engaged and has survived the slings and arrows of intrigues and threats, anything that spells difficulty no longer matter. I am too strong for inanities.
In my personal dictionary, I have deleted words like jealousy, envy, hatred and anger.
I have read books about futurism, about technology for the next one hundred years. Science has answered all mysteries which the present time is still belaboring to discover. Life on earth and that of the universe no longer is cryptic, it is almost known. There is nothing secretive, nothing obscure, nothing ambiguous. Nothing is hidden and I know what will happen centuries from now.
I have loved and was loved in return. I have lost, gained and regained. I have shared and sacrificed, tendered and surrendered.
Life is full of excitement and at the same time boring. It inspires and frustrates, it ignites and dampen. One day I am a winner, another a loser. There is nothing in between. Everything seems to be celebrated with exuberance and apathy, one way or another.
I have learned humility and practiced honesty in a grand manner. I could sense danger far ahead and cautious at all times. I knew how to pace activities, plan and secure my environment.
I can splurge in any way I could. I could go places without being slandered. I could eat at any fancy restaurant or just while time and haggle for street food. I can watch movies almost every day if I want to and spend days on the road without fear of getting lost. I would even stretch the limits and try to get lost in the process. On the whole, despite old age, I was having an exciting period in my life like any youngster. Suddenly, I was young again! And this time around, as a young person of tender years prepared to understand the meaning of fulfillment.
Right now, I am looking forward to some heady days, still youthful in my 60s and believe me, if nature would be that tamed, as I intended it to be, then the 70s, 80s and 90s would be exciting stages to express a wonderful period.